22 Comments
User's avatar
Saint-Lazare's avatar

Truly got behind my skin, scary!

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

That's great! That's exactly what I was going for. Thank you so much for reading my story!. 😊

Horror Hangouts's avatar

a very well written chilling story. I somewhat can relate to Teddy in regards to his relationship with his wife

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

Thank you so much. I wanted Teddy to feel relatable, even in his darker moments. The exhaustion and emotional weight of raising little humans can be overwhelming at times. Thank you for reading and for sharing that. 😊

Horror Hangouts's avatar

you are welcome, I think most important thing in writing a good story is writing a charcter(s) that resonate withy the reader. Excellent job.

M.O.Stewart Writes Dark Stuff's avatar

Oh very good building! I was getting concerned about halfway through that maybe something untoward had happened and you delivered without saying too much or spelling it out too bluntly. Loved it!

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

Thank you! I was worried about the pacing halfway through, so it’s such a relief to hear that it landed. It was a tricky balance to strike between mental breakdown and supernatural horror. I’m glad the restraint worked out. I really appreciate you saying that!! 😊

M.O.Stewart Writes Dark Stuff's avatar

It really works here — well done!

Aru's avatar

It's sooo awesome like seriously...but in the end feels like there is something missing....ahm maybe we need part 2 😭 make a series

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

I’m glad you felt that! I wanted to leave a little space for the reader to decide what they think happened. Like an odd itch in the back of your mind. Part 2 is definitely tempting, but I already have two serials I’m trying to finish. Still… you never know. Maybe another character meeting their demons in "therapy" could make a good spinoff. 😉

Skyla's avatar

I have to give it to you… I was scared to keep reading. I didn’t know what was going to happen but I knew it wasn’t going to be good. You wrote this perfectly!!

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

Hi Skyla, that might be my favorite kind of compliment! That means I hit my mark. Thank you so much for saying that. I really appreciate you reading my story! 😊

Nathan Hatch's avatar

I love the restraint here. A slow swirl. Very measured. Very well done.

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

Hi Nathan, thank you so much. I’m glad the restraint and slow build landed the way I hoped. I tend to lean maximalist, so I really appreciate you noticing that the quieter approach worked. 😊

Ausiàs Tsel's avatar

"Daddy, stop" arriving between the giggles and the moans is where this turns from good to genuinely unsettling. You trust implication over explanation, which is rare in flash horror. The therapy frame earns its keep. Congratulations!

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

Thank you for noticing. I debated pushing it further, but I’m glad I trusted the restraint instead of the darkness. I truly appreciate you reading so closely and leaving such a thoughtful comment!

Night Bites's avatar

Beautiful ending Roxi, great story!

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

Hi Night Bites! Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it! 😊

Night Bites's avatar

Dave, you can call me Dave.

Roxi's Horror House's avatar

Ah, okay. Hello Dave! 😊

Night Bites's avatar

Bonsoir Roxi!

Tony McNichol's avatar

Really great read! I had a similar open closet door situation as a kid, and this took me there...Thanks for the story!